Continuing with life

I haven't posted for awhile becuse nothing much has changed.  We are still in limbo. He doesn't know what he wants and I am begining to doubt we have a future. Although he is the partner for me, I don't think I am the partner for him. I also believe our issues are not the reason for all this mess. He has a lot of his own baggage, a lot more than me. My problems are more to do with confidence I think and his are to do with past issues with his parents and siblings.

I have used this time to prepare myself for being alone with two small kids. I didn't think I could do it but now I think I will be alright. Althought I will not have a partner there will be one less person to divide my time with and look after. I want my marriage to work but I can't ask someone to stay if they are unhappy and I won't be blamed anymore for where our life has ended. I used to feel so guilty about our decisions and ending back in Perth. I never felt secure moving away from family, I never felt secure with my partner in his jobs. He doesn't like working for anyone but he won't push himself to create his own business. I don't mean he hasn't put a lot into his business, he has. I just don't understand why his business hasn't taken off if he is so eager to earn money. He keeps saying the work isn't in Perth but with the technology as it is today, surely you don't have to be some where else in particular.

He has always run away from his problems, left the country and started somewhere else. He has so much resentment towards me for staying in Perth. I do resent not going out and discovering the world sooner, before kids. I wish I had just gone. No money in the bank but just risked it. I was just so scared about the big wide world, scared of going to another country away from my family support.

I am unhappy and feel so alone in this relationship. Why do I stay? Is it time to move on? I am hoping the old person my partner was will come back. He was funny, loving, not so resentful, and talked to me.

I only hope the answers will come to me soon. I wish I could start 2011 again. I wish I knew what was coming for me and my family.